


i have seen the light and it is within you

by troubledsouls



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: No tags to avoid spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 01:56:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8691946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/troubledsouls/pseuds/troubledsouls
Summary: Josh has only ever kept one secret from Tyler.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Trashler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trashler/gifts).



Josh checks his face in his phone camera, pulling his hood around his face to obscure the developing bruises. He hopes Tyler doesn’t notice his lip.

He slips into the bus, turning away slightly from Tyler.

“Hey, Josh, you’re back early.” Tyler doesn’t look up from his phone.

“Yeah. I got tired.” Josh winces at how rough his voice sounds. He gets a glass of water, back to Tyler.

“Are you okay?” Josh winces as he hears Tyler get up, feels him approach.

“I’m fine.” As Josh downs the glass of water as fast as he can, his hood slips back and falls off his head.

Tyler gasps. “Oh my god, are you okay?”

Josh pulls his hood back up over his head. “Tyler, I'm fine.” His body begins to shake, and he tries to keep that out of his voice. He sets down the glass and shoves his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.

“No you're not.” Tyler's shaking too, but it's from anger. “Who did this to you?”

“Nobody, Tyler, I'm fine, okay?” Josh can feel tears pricking at his eyes. 

Tyler's voice is low and full of rage. “Josh. Tell me.”

Josh bursts into tears. 

Tyler immediately pulls him close, letting Josh sob into his shoulder. Josh wraps his arms around Tyler and clings to him as though his life depended on it, as though if he let go he'd spin out into space and be lost forever. 

Tyler pulls him over to the couches and helps him sit down. Josh mumbles apologies through his tears and Tyler shushes him. 

As Josh's crying dies down, Tyler wills his anger to dissipate. He doesn't want to upset Josh even more. 

“Josh?” Tyler whispers. 

Josh makes a soft noise that sounds like one of pain. 

“Please, angel, talk to me.”

Josh slowly pulls back from Tyler. Tyler gently takes his chin and tilts his head up in order to inspect his face. 

Josh has two developing black eyes, along with a bloody lip. When Tyler reaches up and gently touches his nose, Josh flinches. 

“Do you need to go to the hospital?” Tyler asks gently

Josh immediately shakes his head. There's fear in his eyes. 

“Okay, okay, no hospital, it's okay.” Tyler releases Josh's face. “You need some ice.”

Tyler starts to get up, but Josh clings to him and pulls him back down. “No.”

“Josh…” Tyler thinks for a moment. “Either I go get you some ice, or I stay here and you tell me who did this to you.”

“I don't know who it was, okay?” Josh spits out. “It was some stranger at the bar we were at. I don't know her face, I don't know her name, she's long gone and you can't do anything about it.” He sounds almost angry, but not at Tyler. 

“Why?” Tyler asks quietly. 

“Because…” Josh pauses, as if considering whether he's ready to tell Tyler. “It doesn't matter.”

“Josh.” Tyler's voice carries a slight weight of command. 

“Don't push it.” Josh pulls away from Tyler, tucking his limbs into his body as if trying to shrink. 

Tyler stays quiet for several long moments. “Do you want some ice?”

Josh's eyes are closed. “Please.”

Tyler gets up and goes to the fridge.

* * *

They have an interview. 

The interviewer is instructed to not ask about Josh's injuries, and they comply. Josh feels awkward, holding a hand in front of his face or looking down with his hood up most of the time.

Tyler answers all of the questions. 

Josh hates it, hates how vulnerable he feels, hates how Tyler and the rest of the crew act more protective than usual. He's fine, really, but when he tries to tell Tyler that Tyler pushes back. 

“Josh, somebody beat you up and there was no one to help you. Nobody wants that to happen again.”

Josh inspects his face in the mirror. He looks _bad_. The fans were going to be so concerned…

* * *

_”Hey.” A girl slides into the seat next to him at the bar. “Can I buy you a drink?”_

_Josh considers the can of soda in front of him. “Sure.”_

_The guy calls the bartender over and Josh orders a drink, the girl next to him getting the same thing. Josh knows what he ordered doesn't have a lot of alcohol. He doesn't want to be forced to let his guard down._

_“Do you come around here often?” The girl asks. “I've never seen you before. Glad I have, though.”_

_What a cliche, Josh muses as he takes a sip of his drink. “No. I travel a lot.”_

_“Maybe you should stick around.” She says with a small smile. “My name’s Abby.”_

_“Josh.” He smiles at her. “And I can't stay around, I have to be somewhere in a couple days.”_

_“Really? Are you with a band?”_

_Josh pauses, choosing his words carefully. “Yeah. I don't think you'd have heard of us though.”_

_“Why don't you give it a try?” She says, resting her chin in her hand. “I've heard of a lot of bands.”_

* * *

Josh pulls on the mask that covers his whole face. 

It hurts his nose, but it's worth it so that no fans get concerned, at least not until the interview comes out. 

There's a palpable unease in the crowd halfway through the show. Josh thinks it's because he's still wearing his mask, he's still afraid of showing his bruised and beaten face. 

When it's time for him to drum on the crowd, Josh is shaking like a leaf. 

He climbs onto the platform, mask still on. He looks around at the crowd, at the questioning faces below him. 

He slowly pulls off the mask and tosses it onto the stage behind him. 

A scream goes up his face shows on the screens, and Josh isn't smiling, he's on the verge of tears.

* * *

“Josh?”

“Go away.”

Josh is pressed underneath a desk in the dressing room, body crumpled up as small as he can make it. 

Tyler's kneeling in front of him. “Please, Josh, just talk to me.”

“I said go away.”

Tyler stands up. “Do you want anything?”

“No.”

Josh listens as Tyler leaves the dressing room, and as soon as he hears the door shut, he starts to cry.

* * *

Josh stands in the shower and closes his eyes as the water runs down his body. 

It washes away the sweat and embarrassment of the show, the bad feelings that cling to the edges of his consciousness. 

Under the stream of water, he's free. 

Well, mostly. 

As long as he doesn't look down.

* * *

_Josh and the girl - Abby - are in an alleyway next to the bar._

_She's biting down on his neck and he's like putty underneath her, back against a building._

_Her hand slips into his pants and Josh doesn't have the time to get words out before she pulls back from him and hits him in the face._

_He stumbles, almost falls, and then she hits him again and again and he's on the ground._

_“I'm not a lesbian.” She growls, before spitting on him. Josh whines in distress._

_“I bet you're not even with that band, you're just some dumb chick who follows them around.” She hisses at him._

_Josh raises his arms to cover his head and curls up, trying to shield himself from her._

_“Pathetic.”_

_He can hear her walk away._

_He doesn't get up for a little while._

* * *

Josh presses the ice for his ribs against his left side, an old pain flaring up again.

He's shirtless, lying on the couch in the bus and watching some show on Netflix that Tyler put on. 

Everyone else is asleep. 

Josh traces a finger along the scars around his nipple, scars from a surgery from before he met Tyler, scars from a surgery Tyler doesn't even know happened. 

Josh sleeps, ice pack falling from his slack fingers onto the floor.

* * *

“You've seen me naked before. I don't get why it's such an issue with you!” Tyler covers his eyes as Josh pulls on a pair of boxers and puts in his packer. 

“I'm not comfortable with it, Tyler.” Josh is blushing hard. He pulls on sweatpants and grabs a shirt. “You can uncover your eyes now.”

“I didn't even see your dick, man. It's not that much of an issue.”

Something burns in Josh's chest. He ignores it. “Just drop it, Tyler.”

* * *

Josh and Tyler are kissing. 

Making out might be a better phrase, from the way their hands roam, from the way Tyler's have slipped up Josh's shirt. 

Josh breaks away from the kiss, cheeks burning. “Tyler, I…”

“What?” Tyler's hands still, pressing against Josh's chest. 

“There's… I gotta tell you something, before, before we…”

“Go farther?” Tyler fills in. “Are you a virgin?”

“No!” Josh blushes even harder. “I just, I haven't told you this before, and I should have, and it's the reason that girl beat me up, and…”

“Josh?” Tyler looks concerned. 

“Tyler, I'm trans.” Josh squeezes his eyes shut, expecting something like a slap, or angry words. 

Instead, all he gets is a soft “oh” from Tyler, then hands retreating from underneath his shirt and cupping his face. 

“I'm sorry.” Josh whispers. 

“No no no, that's something you don't need to be sorry for, please don't be sorry Josh.” Tyler places a gentle kiss on his nose, making Josh open his eyes. 

“B-but…”

“It's okay. I'm not mad you didn't tell me.” Tyler smiles softly. “I love you.”

The tension in Josh's chest releases. 

“I love you too.”


End file.
